RID RAMS...MAY

8/06/2004

.:. Losing Grip .:.

Losing Grip

Its cold as i struggle to hold my world in it's place. I feel no warmth in the vast space of solitude, i scream in despair. My eyes bleed red as i strain against the itching death that slowly consumes my senses. my fingers are now numb....my world is drifting apart.

Change sucks big time. As much as i know that one can never do away with the constant process of change, do i rentlessly scream "STOP!!!...just freeze....or even slow down for crying out loud" and as absurd as i know you think it is, it is just as plain stupid and impossible. so why stop change?

i miss Home. Its hard studying in a university away from home. Not only do i just miss the comfort and luxury of home sweet home but one will always miss the family that has always made it home in the first place. I miss my bro badly, its really sad knowing that he is already at his teenage years and im not there to be his big bro. i could imagined the thrill we'd both share if we could just lay back talking about everything : acads esp pisay, his new found love interest, and plenty of guy bro to bro stuff. haay, i would have envied him; i guess it would have been really cool if i had a big bro as well. last night i was looking thru some pics of me and my bro back when i was in third yr high skul and i guess he was about grade 4, we looked so young and i couldnt help but reminisce the past when we couldn't care less about life and the reality of it execpt for the play, bet one older bro with his small-kid bro, we could make in a day. haay...life was so simple then. today, being away from my bro has made me realize the shortness of living a certain moment to its fullest; this moment when the 5 yr age gap between me and my bro has diminished and we somehow share the same interests as teenagers and as young men venturing into LIFE. I miss my parents. college life has always been about being independent, doing what WE want, no more adults to tell what we shouldnt and what we ought. but we always tend to overlook what life is w/o them. hahaha...it has been about 3 weeks since dad has left me here in elbi. though i find things ok coz of the undefined budget dad has left me with, things have become quite inconvenient especially wen concerning coming home really tired and having to cook myself a meal. hahaha...huhuhuhu. oh well, not that i see my dad as my cook or what but i do miss him being around caring for me... Mom, i miss more. oh well, we all know moms love best. miss you mommy....esp your cooking.hehehe.

cya, nagutom tulyo ako. plus naiilang din ako ksi rand is staring.

joke!!!!

continue this 2moro maybe...

ciao

losing my grip. [11:30 AM]

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Comments:

hey jasper, na-shy naman ako bigla. Magara pala ang iyong blog. Ang kapal pa namin ni Super friend mikhael na ipagmalaking may blog din kami eh samantalang chaka doll yung blog namin compare sa yo.. =) anyways, nakaka-sad po ang iyong entry. kung "mushy" siguro akong tao, malamang naiyak ako. :D joke lang.

jaja

# posted by

Anonymous : 8:15 PM

the saying "home is where the heart is" is forever a cliche because it justifies its use in any point of any situation regarding and/or connected to it (in a very definitive and operative sense of the statement).
your nostalgia is understandable, monsieur jay, and i totally empathize with you. like many other students (and even teachers) in the university, it is normal to "lose your grip" at moments of physical and literal aloneness.
so as not to let your thoughts and feelings be consumed of such things, i suggest to always surround yourself with friends. try to reconnect with the persons you have bonded with in the past, spend time with your present friends. your friends can be considered as family too.
my friends are my breathing air here in LB. they are my family. so i cannot really say that they are my family away from home, because it is the fact that they have become my family that made LB my home too.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:05 PM

by the way, forgot to sign my name. the second comment was from me.

cafe_mocha_jade

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:18 PM

ey, thank you so much for finding time to read my rid rams. i know you guys will always be there for me. :))
it does bring a certain feel of assurance and security knowing that people like you exist in my proximity.

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