RID RAMS...MAY

9/26/2004

.:. Ramblings Revived .:.

Ramblings Revived

last night...inuman.
san mig light lng nmn un...
wla akong "tama"...inihi ko yata lhat..
bawal din mlasing s min eh...
"kng nlsing kau, upakan ko kaung lahat!!!"
sbi ng kuya ng grupo...
eh, sympre...natakot ang lahat.
nainis din ako sa mga iba..
inubos nla ung chchiria,
di nmn sila niinum..
badtrip...
pait ung beer...

and we had to watch
pirates of the carribean...
oh i had a kick out of it..
despite it was my nth time watching it...
idol k nga si capt. jack sparrow..
the savvy smooth talker..
gotta love his moves..

left kuya jayson's aprtmnt at 1.30am..
hintid ako n kuya rem, astig tlga ang vios..
arrived home, drop dead on the bed,
fumbled a txt or two..
ntulog...

woke up...6.30am.
called a friend...
dressed up, an early shower it was..
ate breakfast..
went to church...
met up with the friend i called..
went here..
read a few entries..
edit a few..
made this one..

btw, mom called last night.
dming prob sa bhay..
niinis n ako sa bro ko..
dad had to vent out shit so we ate dinner out
(that was before the inuman..)
we ate...
talked somemore..
my issues...lil bro's issues...
mom's issues, dad's issues...
then we laughed..
i good laugh it was..
LOA nlng ako nxt sem..
...silence...
a shudder went up my spine,
jokes are always half meant..

next 24 hours? ewan ko..
i can either choose to do my reqts and study
or sleep....
im tired...i think i could use rest.

oh, going back in time.
yesterday afternoon..
had bible study with kuya val then
basketball...
2 on 2, 2 games straight..
was real fun..
it felt that im bringing up my gaming to a new level.

17 days till oct13...
the countdown begins..
on oct13,
its either history repeats itself
or...
...
...
i hate this..
tma na ang ramblings..
log out n ako.

losing my grip. [11:26 AM]

(0) comments

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9/25/2004

.:. .:.

dear blog,

when did i ever write like this? when did i ever feel that as if you are the only person who seemed to understand me in a situation that im going thru lately...
it was a long time wasnt it? when i addressed you not just as a online journal but as a close friend and confider. it saddens me tho....coz maybe, after all this is over...i may not write here anymore.

nhhrpn ako! i know im not having any asthma attacks but my lungs wont work..

yesterday, i had nothing much to do. so i decided to swim....2 hours straight...21 sec half a lap, i swam like crazy maybe just hoping to alleviate the heavy emotions im feeling. i suffered from 3 cramps at various parts of my body and hyperventilation but no one in the pool had to knew even the life guard. i was proud, i managed...and continued, i wasnt trying to punish myself, it felt really good actually...placing my body to its limits...

but i was much stronger the day before....hyperventilation at the pool was something new...
my lungs burned like hell, and my right ribs felt bruised....
the only person who saw me was santi, "hoy, ok k lng?"...i swan away as quick as possible...after several laps, s: "my God jay, stop it..."

but i didnt stop...after swimming, another two hours of training with CQ in the dojo. that was the usual warm up work out, 50 sets of battering the wall, 50 sets of kambio, push-ups, 21 sets of all 12 methods, we relearned the 7 Combinations and another 50 sets of 13se on the wall...
after that two hours....i couldn't open up my bruised hands...i couldnt let go of my stick at all...
but when i did, my hand would just shake uncontrollably.

i am too proud to show im hurt. i always was....
i try not to notice how heavy the air around me feels or how i seem to sulk while walking around campus..
i try to act as if everything is normal...not because i just feel like denying what im feeling but because i just want to convince myself that everything is going to be ok...
that everything after sometime will be back to the way things were...
but no...i fear that i might lose her.

space is good. i mean atleast i get to really understand my feelings for her and she for me. but i know love k n yun..
alam ko, the reasons of all my stupid actions yesterday was bcoz i dont want to feel as if im losing her.
i mean y am i? i shouldnt be...
everything is going to be ok, jay..
u should know that..
u'r supposedly smart...intelligent...

pero y am i feeling this way?

i wish we didnt have to go on with this. i hate this, buti lng ngd2 ako sa may likod ng shop..
where no one can see me..where no one can see me suffer with such pains...
i wish she wouldnt have to be this harsh...it was sudden really..
though it had a bit of a lapse for it to sink in, but right now im feeling it's full force...
miss ko n cya...badly. 2 days lng...pero i am missing her na.

argh...it going to be ok jay..
u know it..
by next sem, ul be happy..the both of u will...

losing my grip. [10:45 AM]

(1) comments

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9/23/2004

.:. For the reCORD .:.

For the record...

tonight, i realized that for once i truly love a person....
even it had me to allow that person to...maybe...fade away..
today, for once, my first in life, i declare freely to everyone that i love someone
knowing that i need not be ashamed of what i feel
knowing that i need not think twice
knowing that i need not deny
tonight, i had a glimpse of love...
not just infatuation but
the emotion which forever remains unconditional...
a glimpse that i can truly love a person
w/o thinking solely of what i may gain or feel
but rather understanding another person and how she feels...
and despite it has invoked me to deny that i feel at great lost,
and that my heart feels heavy
that my eyes betray me...im crying god damn it....
argh...
that my soul seeks comfort

i know deep within that is what love's all about.
i love you... i whisper...
i love you...i sigh...
i love you...uttering no sound...
my heart bears no wound..
no tears that dry upon sadden cheecks..
a soul...comforted...
coz thats love...

losing my grip. [10:51 PM]

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9/17/2004

.:. Class Daydreams .:.

Nightingale

sweet nightingale,
sing your song to me,
take me away
from life's miseries.
sing to me a far away land
with dreams and fairy tales,
of nymphs that bathe in crystal waters,
of speaking creatures and talking trees.
with your angelic voice
take me to the clouds,
fly me to freedom,
high above where life's just a dream...

-classroom daydreams-

losing my grip. [10:23 AM]

(0) comments

.:. MIND SPEAKS .:.

MIND SPEAKS

within me lies the tempest
with his raging winds that howl chaos

within me a soft voice whispers
with echos that utter different meanings

within me a battle
with cries upon mingled blood of foes

withon me stands an abyss of questions
with a soul that seeks no answers

-confusion-

losing my grip. [10:20 AM]

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9/16/2004

.:. .:.

who told you to love
when there was no love
who told you not to love
when you could love
a midnight whisper
dancing above among heavenly bodies
a dream just beyond reach
plays in minds who often seek...
lost soul, broken heart,
pray you learn...
fall not to love,
choose to love...

losing my grip. [3:27 PM]

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9/14/2004

.:. Weheehee... .:.

Blogged Atlast...

the computer at home is fixed...here are several offline blogs i made...
a sec while i upload it...hehehe.

hmmm...alis muna ako, balik ako in awhile...
i still have several posts to add on..
hehehe...

losing my grip. [10:48 AM]

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9/08/2004

.:. Bad Trip .:.

Bad Trip

Waah…huhuhu. My score in Vet Micro 124: 62/100…and that percentage is based on the highest score of 80….w/c means the highest got a perfect 100/100….
So, if you are going to get .62 of 80…pasang awa lng ako!!!! Damn…lowest performance ko this semester. Shet…badtrip tlga ako. Saying yun 92 pts ko sa first exam….

Haay…well, I did deserve it…I didn’t study eh.

Basta…start na ako mgaral ng todo….wow jay, perfect timing…4 weeks to finals week. Hehehe….

Mediocre performance tlga ako dis sem….THIS GOTTA CHANGE.

losing my grip. [10:55 AM]

(0) comments

.:. Shame .:.

Shame

have class in 15 minutes...and i cant upload the neat post i made last night (w/c was made offline at home). sigh..

was evesdropping on my bro's email...hahaha...he's frequently exchanging mails with his kababata who still is in thailand. when i was looking through her letter...hmmm...missing life back there. its really different...hahaha...

oh well...kids. (yah right...)
ok...really need to run...

apologies for not posting yesterday's happenings....it was worth posting but my computer is acting silly...

losing my grip. [8:36 AM]

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9/07/2004

.:. Bad Colds… .:.

Bad Colds…

Here I am, blogging offline. I think is the first offline blog ill actually post on RidRams. But this post is supposedly for Tuesday (hopefully by the time I actually post this it would still have been yesterday). Well, its evening already and, as you all might presume, im home, listening to the repeatedly driven music in my playlist on WMP. Actually, I was online several times today but “circumstances” didn’t give me the chance to blog…
Such circumstances are actually the very things I wanted to blog about…those circumstances w/c kinda had my day starting out BAD…real bad…

I woke up 4am, sadly, at the wrong side of the bed. It wasn’t the time really, it was just I should have gotten up much earlier to make the outline of my report in bio 140 coz the previous night I planned on sleeping right after dinner and eventually waking up refreshed at about 1am. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as according to plan.

Well, in the middle of my peaceful slumber, I was awakened at the vigorous vibrating of my phone (trust me, its capability is outrageous…IT WOKE ME UP!)…well, a friend just sent me a text message. It was 11:30 of that previous evening. It was one of those kinda messages w/c will have you guilty for not replying…and that effect went on till 12:30am until I refused to open my eyes and read anymore msgs. Well, what would you expect…ignoring my alarm, I slept on till 4am.

So it was hectic this morning….and what had to top it off was out of nowhere I began sneezing. Man, it was terrible…my nose was literally flooding with occasional explosions w/c had my nose red as a rose. Haay…imagine the irritability I felt when I was trying my best to concentrate inorder to come up with a decent outline. I could hardly type a single sentence straight considering my two hads are busy with all the “dripping” and “Ha-CHOOO-ing”…that’s equal to 3 saturated handkerchiefs.

Well, eventually I was able to finish everything, had breakfast and shower…but my Colds was still there. The printer here, at home, is broke so most of my reports I print elsewhere. Well, when I was just about to leave to do my usual routine of going to the internet café early morn…on the act of saving my report on a diskette…I dunno…it couldn’t save…this darn msg kept popping up that my diskette wasn’t formatted…w/c was the very same diskette I used to copy my speech last Monday. I was irritable especially with the bad colds. It took me several tries with all the other old diskettes I have until I finally convinced myself to buy a new diskette. I grew even more irritable and impatient…It wouldn’t have been no big deal, considering that I can easily bike to the bookstore, if it wasn’t scorching HOT…and there still was that irritating Colds…imagine this…biking, sneezing, sweating…that’s the worse combination I can think of…

I thought hell would have been over arriving home with a new diskette…after drinking lots and lots of water and 5 minutes of doing nothing but sit in front of the electric fan, to my horror..the new diskette wasn’t even working. Man…I cursed a lot….i guess that moment would be one of the last experiences I want to relive…
Convincing myself that nothing else can be done except for writing the report down and typing it again in an internet café, I endured another round of trying to concentrate inorder for me to quickly write down the outline on a sheet of yellow pad paper. The irritation, pain and torture is indescribable…I guess it was enough to say, It was just Hell.

Had enough? My end didn’t just end there…it was still 9 in the morning and I still haven’t practiced my speech in whole w/c was to be presented at around 1pm. Well, it was kinda early so I thought, knowing I can still type at a relatively fast pace, I still might have enough time to practice and join in my 11:30am class once im able to print my bio140 report. But guess what…just when I was halfway through my outline, sitting calmly at my favorite internet café…the POWER went out…!!! The whole economic block of UPLB experienced power failure…

Grabeh ung araw na to…

I was so pissed…well, I was supposed to meet innah, a friend, at the physical science building at around 10am coz she wanted to give me a late bday present…so, with all the burning rage…I decided to burn out all my anger as I wait for the clock to strike 10am. Eventually…my rage ran out of gas and so did my nose began to cool off a bit…it was only when I felt better did I notice that the campus wasn’t experiencing the same power failure at Grove “the economic downtown of LB”…and I realized that there university coop has a small internet shop w/c ran the same electrical line as most of the campus buildings…and then sprang Hope.

So, feeling much better, I got to meet innah…got my gift, w/c was a red “bench” cap (very nice…wasn’t able to wear it tho coz I was wearing gel), and hanged out a bit with her trying to rub off the remaining bad feelings.

An hour later I decided to head off to the coop center….
“sorry sir, walang available computers”…haay, now the heat was getting at my nerves…and so did some occasional “sniffs” w/c had me worring that another nose trauma was on its way. Thank God, nothing happened…and also eventually I was able to sit in one of the PC units.

I was finally able to produce the furnished outline of my report at a quarter to one in the afternoon that gave me about 15 minutes to mentally prepare for my speech comm. Class wherein I had to presented my speech. Yes, I wasn’t able to fully prepare/practice and I was absent in my math 1 class - goodness knows how much absences I had in that class.

But the speech went fine…I knew my speech was furnished so I really just had to concentrate with the presentation. You know, eye contact, proper breathing…pretending that the speech was created spontaneously…well, I was holding a copy and was occasionally glancing at it….but I made sure it didn’t seem as if I was just reading or didn’t just memorize it as well. With a bit of slips here and there and a couple of Filipino expressions I just couldn’t do away with…the speech did come to an end w/o any major disaster. Hahaha…I also just wanted to add that my articulation and a bit of the slang (relative to the Filipino pronunciation) accent was able to captivate the audience wherein I actually was able to fool myself that they were actually interested in my speech. Maybe they were…but no one can tell. Atleast I was able to eye contact several people who “seemed” as if they were absorbing every word I spat out. oh well, nevertheless, joey told me that the only major problem was my breathing…I was too stressed out during the speech. Joey refused to tell me my grade…I just have to wait for next meeting.

The colds was finally gone…and I was feeling much better since I was able to finish my speech.

The Bio140 report, w/c was the reason for my sufferings, went swell just as well. (yuk…that had to rhyme)…but to sum it all up in a word: it was comical. Well, the outline wasn’t that great and I wasn’t able to finalize a continuous and logical flow of my report (the phylogeny of cyanobacteria) so during the whole report I was trying hard to make my report come out naturally and comprehensive. And as all reports end in bio140, the ruthless questions thrown at the reporters by the professor was comical as well. Hmmm…well, she (the professor) did say “are you playing around with me?” hahaha…I guess I was too tired and carefree to answer directly and in a serious manner.
Ex. (I was reporting on RUBISCO) Prof: so class….where have you heard about RUBISCOs?.. J (piping in…in a rather choral manner ): sa crackers (rebisco) maam… *class laughs* ; Prof: jasper, where are cyanobacterias more abundant…marine or freshwater? J (with much confidence…actually I don’t know the answer): sa marine po (thinks again)…ksi mas maraming sea compared sa freshwater… *class laughs again*

Hey, I couldn’t help to act a bit stupid. Besides, the inquirers was always thought of as one of the least-liked part of the report, especially in cases where the reporters do not know the answers. Hello? Out of this world din ung mga tanong ni maam. So my acting stupid was more of an ice breaker…hehehe. Nevertheless, I was able to smartly answer several hard questions as well (these questions were ones I knew).

And do you know what maam had to say about the report…
“this is why I like you guys to report ksi we all get to learn something new…(so I was already assuming she was pertaining to the knowledge that we were able to impart to the class)…oh dba? Na-discover natin na meron pla mgling mg salita sa grupo nila…*points to one of my groupmates (actually, I felt she was over doing her articulation) then looks at me*…and si….anu nga name mo?…si jasper may magandang speaking voice…”

wow…and just when I thought she liked the report.

Atlast, over ung day. I was able to meet joey again and we went to an internet café where he had to meet a student and I did my regular surfing. To my delight, joey treated me to brewed coffee and oreo, and just when I realized I haven’t paid for my computer rentals I knew he paid for it as well.

The student joey met was one of the cast in tilamsik ng dugo. Zsa zsa, who I found myself walking with towards the baker hall…joey went home and left the two of us…I felt kinda embarrassed, coz when joey was still there I was kinda suplado towards her, and was wanting to walk on ahead. However, joey before he departed did say…”entertain mo si zsa zsa ha?”…and I just had to put an immediate “front act”…well after 40-50 meters, I was able to eventually drop the act and began to be the natural friendly me.

Finally at baker, I was trying to confirm if training was cancelled, some of the varsity members I met during the day told me so. though there was a bit of miscommunication and I had to bike home to change to my training clothes, I still was able to bond with several of the varsity members w/c was worth while.

At around 6.30pm, I received final word from coach himself that training will be postponed to Thursday. So, I got up…decided to send a message to ider saying to meet me at the humanities steps. She has become one of the persons I’ve become fond of and enjoy relating my day…(hehehe, I wonder if she does realize?) but well, sadly, she was kinda busy and did apologize (well she really need not but it was nice of her to)….

And that’s how I ended up here…or rather how this began. 2 hours lapsed and dad’s done with his dinner…

I guess I should start on my meal before it goes cold…

Till next post.

losing my grip. [9:08 PM]

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9/06/2004

.:. Nothing Much to Say... .:.

Nothing Much to Say...

sad...:((

nevertheless here is the speech iv prepared for joey's class...
its 13 minutes long...haay...joey is going to kill me. i cant think of anything shorter...hahaha.

Good afternoon.

Today, I’m going to speak to you about lying as a tool for survival. Well, the lying im referring to is not the lying in “lying down at bed” but rather the lying, w/c according to the Webster, refers to an untrue statement made with an intent to deceive.

But before I move on, I guess most of you would wonder why in the world would lying become a tool for survival considering that lying has several bad connotations. Well, for others, they may already have a clue. The issue of lying having bad connotations or rather lying being morally wrong is an area of intense debate especially in lies such as a compassionate lie or, the ones that we are more familiar with, white lies. For some, such as the Philosopher Kant, Lying has always been morally wrong since lying tends to corrupt the ability of one to make free rational decisions and it robs others of their freedom as well. For others, such as those who consider themselves as utilitarians, believe that the morality of their actions, including lying, can only be good depending on the resulting consequence of the action. Hence in these cases, it may even be immoral not to lie if lying is necessary to maximize benefit or minimize harm.

Well, despite many views on lying, one cannot deny that he has never lied and that lying is avoidable in life. In fact the more one denies he is free of lies the more is he in it. According to a psychologist, human beings lie to about 200 times a day, w/c is roughly one untruth every 5 mins. Thus lying would be hypothesized to play an important role in the survival of the human species and may be significant in life.

To understand the importance of lying, most scientists and actually biologist, as myself, would look at the evolutional development of lying. Many writers and psychologists suggest that lying could be universally associated with traits found in all animals. These traits, such as stealth, mimicry, and deception are important factors that are helpful, or even dispensable for survival and success in many animal species.

According to journals, in the evolutionary development of lying there are four levels of deception. Level one deals with the species permanent appearance, such as insects imitating the appearance of a leaf in order to deceive a predator. Level Two involves coordinated action as in birds that mimic birdcalls of other species in order to attract attention or even to lure prey. Level three already involves primitive intelligence and learning. Like a dog that acts that he is injured, knowing from experience, that the real injury would bring him special attention and care. The highest level would involve planning. A chimpanzee who misleads about the location of food by looking at the wrong way or purposely walking past it. Conscious planning of deception requires “theory of mind”, an understanding of what goes on in another individual’s mind.

These animalistic instincts to deceive to either protect itself from predators or as a trick of attack are not that different from the way humans lie. The only differences is the difficulty of deception, w/c increases in complexity at each level and as organisms become refined in their communication and intelligence. Humans, having the highest form of intelligence, have a instinctual nature of lying – brought to a new level due to the fact that survival is no longer a simple response to his position in the food chain; and so, humans have evolved to a point resulting further into the development and evolution of language for deception and that we may all be natural born liars.

According to a book I’ve read entitled “Antecedents to Lying and teaching the truth”, lying can be observed in young children with different reasons at different ages. At the age of two, the children are not yet able to distinguish between fantasy and reality and would usually lie about their fantasy world. At the age of 6, children begin to develop a more consistent understanding between fantasy and reality and are quieter about it. However, they would also be conscious of their misdeeds, its effects on their parents and the cost and punishments that follow. This would be their first time to construct a lie in order to avoid punishment. Children will also begin telling fibs or exaggerate details in order to gain attention. When the child is 8 years old, the most common reason for lying would be to avoid disappointing their parents, punishment, and doing unpleasant chores. They also learn about polite social lying.

It is only at adolescence when one knows how greatly lying could affect a person’s life, its benefits or possible consequences. Lies are often forced to protect their privacy, to establish independence and to avoid embarrassment. As we grow older, life gets complicated and one will notice that lies can provide short-term help.

There are four types of Lying. These types are (1) lying to protect other’s feelings, (2) Lying to protect one self, (3) Self Deception, and (4) Lies to hurt others.

The first type of lying is the least harmful of all lies. White lies and altruistic lies are clear examples. Psychologists and sociologists believe that these lies are necessary for society to function. Etiquette, politeness, and flattery are now known to be foundations of social interactions and are more often sought after than expressing brutal honest truth, which would hurt or insult a lot.

The second type can take many forms especially since many social problems, such as racism and discrimination, have risen. Lying in order to boost low self esteem and denying one’s uniqueness in order to conform to what other people think is normal and acceptable are just one of the many examples. Studies also show that many people would lie when trying to appear likable and competent as in the case of impressing a crush.

The third kind of lie deals with the unconscious motivations and intentions brought about men’s human nature. Self deception is done in order to satisfy men’s natural greed, self interest, prejudice, desire, insecurity, and other psychological factors affecting, in a negative way, the person’s behavior by justifying that what they did is right.

Lastly, the fourth type of lie is only done by vicious characters; it is done not for the means of survival but rather for uncertain reasons of psychotic behavior and thinking.
Lying can also be constructed for material gain. Someone once told me that “Truth telling can reap most personal benefits but by lying one could gain a little bit more” Many people now a days use lies as means to get what they want – money, clothing, food, etc. Lying can also produce a positive feeling and may be viewed as an accomplishment, w/c feels good, like when kidding a gullible friend. Today, some professions require the ability of becoming a good liar. Politics involve so much lying and false promises in order to gain desired affiliations, it has become a game of deceit and dishonesty even during the politician’s term in office. Lawyers lie too; they twist facts, hide facts, or give the jury just the right amount of info to convert a guilty felon into an innocent baby.
And so the list of lies and its uses continues, as much as my time has already reached its limit. Whether lying is accepted as something wrong or right, lying cannot be denied that it has of some worth or value in the human species. Life is a competition, created by pressures and stresses of human society, and lying has evolved into one of the most powerful and advance function of our cerebral capacity; a power that help us succeed in love, war and commerce. So lying is considered a skill, a tool of the masses to over come injustice, and above all an ability human beings have developed to survive in this world.

*bow*

losing my grip. [8:23 AM]

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9/03/2004

.:. haay...stupidity .:.

haay...stupidity

been pretty much stupid today.

1.) had a quiz in mcb101 lecture...and would you believe that a mistook maam saying autotrophs for auxotrophs...argh...nkkinis. oh well, thats one quiz equalvalent to zero.

2.) forgot that i had a lunch date with someone else...that person will kill me! sorry po...

3.) slept when i was supposedly studying for my mcb101 exam...

4.) and in that exam, well...pretty much of stupidity got the best out of me...

bsta!!!!

in short...today...friday...stupid! hahaha...

sna mmya sa RIVERMAYA concert...i wouldnt do anything i wouldnt want doing...gets mo?

cya...kinukulit ako ni MIA AZAÑES to leave the place...

bye///

losing my grip. [5:44 PM]

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9/02/2004

.:. Taliamsik ng Dugo .:.

Taliamsik ng Dugo

kudos to kuya joey for a job well done. well, though he was kinda upset with the "lighting"...the play was great considering that "the audience" was much busy with analyzing the story, interpretative dances, music and song to notice lighting effects.

i believe the story was great...it sure brought a certain "feel" (sympathy maybe but with a touch of realization and guilt). my dad was touched...even if he (and i, myself) is a mindana"wan". "oo...totoo, ung lahat nasa storya...families breakup, people die...etc etc...esp when considering the different perspectives of the people, i feel that i have created the conflicts mindanao to revolve around me and my interests...."

and sir joey, trust me, seeing a play w/c...well..features...almost every type of artistic genra...the show was a blast.

only you and your crew knew what's going on backstage...but at the seats of the audience....the show did serve it's "purpose"...

congrat ulit sir joey...hope the gala show tonight would be much splended...

losing my grip. [11:05 AM]

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9/01/2004

.:. First Kisses .:.

First Kisses

hahahah....ok, dont get so shocked over the "changes" in the blog. this still is jay's RIDICULOUS RAMBLINGS. hahaha...and trust me its not that im showing any feminine side...i dont believe i have enough to have it "note-worthy".hehehe....

but oh well...as i was telling my friends who always been the kind of friends to "react"...
its just the picture....hahaha. "ITS TOO CUTE TOO IGNORE"....hmmm, maybe if i had the time ill change the color scheme to something more "boyish? hahaha....and i thought pink was musculine!!!

well...about the pic...hahaha, cant help but remember my first kiss...w/c...really was a long time ago. well, i was about 8...and i had this "close friend"...her name was Smithi, a beautiful nepalese. hehehe...well, you know kids...always wanting to explore things on their own...w/o their parents....hahahaha.

God, i could remember it as clear as day...

j: smithi, i wonder how those actors on tv feel when they kiss?
s: oh? hmmm...yah....my (girl) friends would say it brings butterflies to your stomach?
j: yuck...don't they taste bad?
s: funny j...
j: hmmm...you wanna try kissing?
s: do you?
j: lets see if butterflies taste good....
s: funny j...

(trust me this has no malicious content...so k.myk, if you get horny you can skip this post already...hehehe)

so we did...hahaha...at the back of my house, literally "hiding"...with closed eyes, hands behind our backs and pouted lips....hahaha...haay...just like the picture. after that, smithi ran to her house...and i felt like...well..."so that was butterflies, eh?...YUK..." *wipes lips...*

well, im too old to think kisses are like that. hehehe....hey, im not that innocent kid anymore. huhuhu...i kinda miss being young! wish i still was...

losing my grip. [8:12 AM]

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