7/01/2005
.:. .:.
12:44am
she looked at me above the rim of her glasses and smiled. God, i still cant get that out of my head.
its late and this night's memories are drowing me in a cocktail of emotions - bitter, remorse, accomplished, estatic, loved, unloved, vanilla, strawberries, calm and confused -on the rocks at that, shaken not stirred. Goodness knows how fickle my hypothalamus will ever get, at this rate, im bound for insanity.
sigh
just when i thought i found myself in the serenity of still waters. you happened, you rocked the boat, capsizing me into its cold depths. i swear i was superman, but you were kryptonite.
im guilty. verdict as you might but this is my confession.
to the success of my accomplishments, shall i think twice about what inspires me to work my best. to a Higher Glory has all been laid for yet you were my idol. you drove me out of my way, to do and to much extent things i would not have done. you were patience in fustration, hope in desperation, light in darkness, inspiration in sadden spirits. it was all about you.
scream.
no. i dedicate my success to Him, to the One who deserves all glory, thats how i want it to be. oh Lord, why do You blind me from Your blessings in disguise. Are you, as i believe, my strength and my source of all inspiration. Can i not see you in her smile. oh Lord, verdict. You knowmy heart and its mysteries. how far shall can i be inspired by such a smile you have graciously given me.
fall not for the gift but the Giver. Verdict! prove me wrong....
for i know my plea - Guilty.
6:30 am.
i woke up mistaking my pillow for you. and i feel bitter now. with last night's spirited emotions slowly dissolving in its space, i find myself left with bitterness. like a carbonated soda left out....im not as strong as i was.
you are the epitomy of it. The embodiment of sorts, of fustration and angst bottled up. and i am just but a notch away from exploding.
alas! woe to me who dwells in the moments of bliss. I can reminisce every detail of each encounter and recall when we part, you leave me happy with a smile from ear to ear. oh smile for me, at my misbehavings, funnyless jokes and irritating teases. for each time you do, you fill up a small part of the void that was once left shattered. you are remedy, a drug...im getting addicted.
those times, we shared one passion, which made me feel alot more closer to you that i ought to feel. i guess, ever more that you feel close to me. such closeness has made me look forward to what we have prepared and the day when we shall laugh all the hard times in the midst of our accomplishment. and i looked to that day when ill sit with you, smile and say thank you for being an inspiration.
as swift as all came to pass, you did not sit besides me in the lights of our success. but rather, i saw you swept away by some rogue knight while i sat the clown jester entertaining those who need to be entertained. and the lights were dim to my eyes. and i found no significance to my fortunes.
i looked through emerald eyes that gleamed with intense...
pause...
im not jealous, i never can be.....
sometime in the morning
i caught your smile like a flower catching the first rays of sunlight after a winter storm. you were my morning's coffee -bitter yet sweat, aromatic, addictive. i know i wouldnt have started the day right without you.
11:32 am
curse me. sometimes i go overboard. a desperation to be understood. for reasons uncertain, i find myself trusting. i feel scared.
3:37 pm at this internet cafe.
oh shit, my classmate texted me...i damn forgot to measure something. lol. im having lots on my mind lately.
losing my grip. [3:37 PM]
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