Losing Grip
missing my friends. interestingly or rather coincidentally, the second part of losing grip does talk about missing friends as mentioned in most of the comments i recieved in my last post and about how accursed change could be.
yes, i know i do have friends in elbi, plenty actually. as a matter of fact if acquiring friends were a hobby i would already have been one of the best known collectors, of course in a rather natural way; sadly, losing them is just as easy, w/c ironically is natural as well. sigh....reality bites doesnt it? almost like a chill you'll feel on a cold rainy evening, peircing your skin all the way to the bone...where all you can do is to just curl into a tight ball, brace yourself, cry maybe, and render yourself useless. i know its bad to generalize...i do have good friends, lil bros and best bargs as of the moment but i had quite a number as well.
i already mentioned how much change has made me miss home. oh well, i miss my friends back home just as much. each person is unique, pretty much the same way how different friends treat you differently. so it sucks. it sucks when you wake up knowing that you won't be experiencing a certain kind of friendship for that day and then realizing that it hasn't just been a day (today) but already several months now. thats missing friends- missing those that hang-out the way you guys usually would, those that would listen when you feel like you need to be heard even if you knew that they were already itching to punch you in the face for being so pathetic, those that would give pathetic advises as well even if you already feel better coz they just listened, those that you love pissing off knowing that lambing mo lng yun, those that would piss you off for the same reason...and the list would go on forever.
and when you realized that you are already missing your friends away from you, you begin a search for people could possible replace them. oh it was never intentionally, its more of a sub-conscious behavior that whispers at my ear everytime i meet a total stranger often ending up revealing alot of my personal life till later it has already inculcated itself in me and has become quite a habit. but i do discover good friends, people who have become, as what cafe mocha jade says, my breathing air.
sadly, we all know that friendships can fade. when two people stop interacting with each other, they begin to realize that their world (w/c is constantly growing) has drawn further apart until later they barely make up a significant part of each others lives. practiacally, it saddens me to be away knowing that each day that passes is a bit of closeness lost to not being with a certain friend. it saddens me that right now as of the moment, i may have neglected and already lost a friend.
and it just doesnt end there. i mean distance is not the only root evil of lost friends but several circumstances as well. i do miss friends here in elbi. past clasmates, past super sked-mates, past blocmates, past those who you'd hang out with 24-7 (almost) have all been absorbed with their own lives occasionally neglecting the friendship plainly because we cease to exist as classmates. some, i have encountered, are those that are still my classmates but have evolve due to new-found affiliations creating a rather superior - inferior relationship bet me, a non-affiliated member, and them.
today, i experience a sem different from all the other sems. with a sked w/c hasnt found it's match, with classes w/o non-bloc classmates, with major courses different from your co-majors, with new-found friends and a newly-created fear for the posibility of losing them in the future as well, this sem has left me standing alone....losing grip.
losing my grip. [8:50 PM]
the world is a beautiful place, try to be okay. just like what joey texted me a long time ago (that i still have in my inbox), "see the lilies of the fields..the birds in the sky". it's all right to lose your grip once in a while, but be sure you'd bounce back.
stay strong monsieur jay. stay strong.
cafe_mocha_jade
: 11:05 PMsonny_boi.
: 2:13 PM
