RID RAMS...MAY

8/31/2004

.:. August Wrap-up Already? .:.

August Wrapup - Already?

wow...thats fast.

here goes my monthly summary.

a total of 13 posts...hmm...not bad. considering, as i said last month, that my blog survived this long. but i havn't been very active in posting posts...and actually describing my day to detail. bah...i told you..im no good.

August has been great. it is after all the month when i turned 18. hahaha.
Achievements of the month:

*i survived midterms.
*i was a bit deppressed once...for a week i guess...just missed davao and the people there.
*that follwed by being a jerk for a while
*Dad's BACK!!!!
*and my BDAY dilemma.

hahaha..thats pretty much everthing on my posts.
though, to be quite honest, i kinda left out alot of "details" and "happenings" that've been going on (esp) lately. i think my blog has gotten too "public" (hehehe)...to express certain "feelings"..nevertheless, if you MUST know...i'm happy.

i still havn't thought of my next month's ed of RID RAMS...
but most probably it will be reflecting my "emotional-pathethic-romantic side "...hahaha.
i already have a blogskin prospect...but it'll need major re-touching...considering my links and tag-board. oh well...
maybe tomorrow....

losing my grip. [9:33 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/30/2004

.:. Munched on Corn .:.

All Munched on Corn...

talk about being corny. well, i never was the joker...or rather occasionally ive desparately been trying...real hard. i never understood really...i mean...i could remember back when i was still in highschool, i always brought out those good laughs. guess im just been losing touch,eh? haay...im no longer that silly scrawny boy with the ridiculous accent.

oh well, subject came up coz i couldnt resist eating good old corn. just around the corner, this old lady was selling sweet-corn at 10 pesos each for a living. Not bad a price considering the size of the corn she sells...usually, in davao i could eat 3 "normal sized" corn...this kind old lady's corn is big enough for my fill...

today was the usual monday. though i could say im a bit "hanged-over" by the laxed sked last week. this week, i have several reqts to pass, most of w/c were due today in most of w/c were crammed in today's sked. luckily, i was able to pass all of today's reqts on time. hahaha...
my cramming skills do not cease to amaze me but dont bring out the best in me either.
sigh...among the wonderful reqts is my speech for sir joey, who i do not want to fail...i will make a good one.promise! aside form the reqts, i have two exams to top it off...one on wed - vmcb124 w/c i hvnt studied yet...and another on fri, w/c i too havnt studied for...hahaha.

tada...the bad me?...nah, just lazy, ill pick up speed, later this eve.

i decide to sport on the atlantis cologne of bench for the next couple of days. boy, did it bring back memories...atlantis was one of the most aromatic, darn-turns-me-on-cologne when i was back in highschool. well..memories such as highschool crushes (coz its uni-sex)...attacting people..so on so forth...

haay...now you could just leave me alone - lost in my own world of memories...

..ok, wake up jay..

i should be going..

GUTOM na AKO!!! it was an hour ago since i was muching on corn

btw, if you must know, i type at a pace w/c allows me to jump from one site to another...so, um...hahaha..dont underestimate my typing (or maybe thinking) capacity.

ok...duh jay (ang assuming ko tuloy)...sorry folks, its just the now empty stomach talking.

losing my grip. [8:15 PM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/27/2004

.:. 8-teen and two days .:.

Cont...

hahaha...sorry i couldnt finish this sooner. oh well, better late then never...atleast im gonna finish this.

2:30 pm that day:

i find it unfair knowing that bday celebrants have to treat people! hahaha...well, i was more familiar with people treating me on my bdays when i was younger. huhuhu...imagine, i treated my whole swimming class to drinks...grabeh, it was more of a blackmail...class was dismissed early and just when i was walking out of the building, passing by the small sari sari store, a choir (coming out of no where...hehehhe) sang "happy bday". hahaha...of course, the chorus was ever so clear..."liBRE!!, LIBRE!!" and like i promised....they asked for it...i gave it. hahaha..

3:30 pm :

the next class wasnt that impt...hehehe...ksi noone greeted me. "sadness!" as ace would say. oh bummer...what happened next?

5:30 pm :

ill just jump to eating at BM w ider ....and her friend - another sis actually that she had to tag along...hahaha...joke. kidding there...but oh well...since ive been treating everyone i met, y not add another one to the list? so what the hell, we ate our fill...

7:00 pm

the creation science symposium...i was there. and found it quite interesting. its hard explaining all the facts and theories behind creationism..
but trust me...as a biologist student...i was convinced!

9:00 pm pnwards...

well, the symposium was sponsored by the Navigators along with the Kapatiran -umbrella org of most of the rel orgs in campus. so, naturally plenty of Nav pipzs were there. hahaha...guess, one of the nicest surprises i had for this day was how we came up with a small celebration of pulutan, beer and a cake in 30 secs. so thats all it took, when people started marching towards the org haus to celebrate my bday.

hehehe...i guess thats about it.

losing my grip. [10:33 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/26/2004

.:. eighteen and a day .:.

8-teen and A daY

that is, how old i am. haay...wow, i could just eat my crap-words i said the other day. well, i guess the bliss i experienced just yesterday, MY BIRTHDAY, was inevitable. despite me having that terrible mindset, as describe in my last last post, everything just had to turn out fine...placing one wide grin on my face - w/c i believe is still plastered from ear to ear on my face right now. hahaha

how it all started....

well, as you all know, i was really trying to make the day just pass-sleeping early the eve before, hoping to wake up late the next morning and rush through my sked as so no one will notice. I did turn down all of dad's proposals of dinner and such...simply put: that "eve", i ate my dinner, conversed with my dad about other matters, brushed my teeth and jumped into bed.

but that day refused to just end there. despite the fact i was trying to ignore the first few "vibes" of my phone, i was driven to waking up when i notice that someone was actually calling. it was raych, one of the "SIREN"-barkada ko back in highskul who wasnt one of the people who'd i tlk/txt to everyday (today)...well, i was surprised that she was calling. naturally-being sleepy-eyed and all, i cancelled the call thinking that it could have been just to catch my attention in order to read her msg (mis-col). upon looking in my inbox...well, i discovered she was actually calling. hehehe...the next thing i know...the phone goes "vibe"ing again and i answered...

well, 45 minutes later...i had recieved 7 local calls and 2 intl ones (karen and josh...mishu guys!)and quite a number of text messages. hahaha...it really has nothing to do with the numbers, its just that knowing that there are people that...hahaha...remembered its my birthday, taking all effort to greet me, and, well, catching up with them (through the calls or txt)...certainly has made my day (come to think of it, it only has been the begining).

so, quite in that, blissful mood....i fell asleep.

i woke up around 8am, a bit around the time where i should be rushing for my first class....well, the sleep and rushing had soaked all that blissful mood earlier that morning (but my dad sezs i was undeniably smiling). reaching biosci...hmm...i cnt quite remember well, but the first person, i believe, to personally greet me was mylene, my sis and co-Agent in the NAVS fam...well, she was the only one during that hour- apparantly my first class knew nothing of the day.
second class, w/c did not follow suit - thnk goodness, was my mcb101 lab, w/c i already find enjoyable (am not sure if i made a post about this subject....if i could remember it right...i hated the subj...hehehe..)...well, jay allen was there...and s/he had to sing for me...(again! note: s/he sang for me last yr in front of a 120 stud class...hahaha...)...but this time, it was just in the laboratory class composed of just about 14 students.

well...suddenly, while doing all the lab-work for that session, i did feel a sudden urge to enjoy the day -not bcoz of jay allen- but bcoz...hey comeon...it is my BIRTHDAY.

anyway, dad gave me one thou to spend on people who'd wanted to make libre. and so i did avail of the money ASAP w/c was around my lunch break. then i saw i[D]r...hahaha....
well, she's the sis w/c i promised the "date"...she was questioning the term..."cra k tlga jay"...
so we had lunch sa mcdo...haha...w/c i did not pay for...hehehe...well, we did plan that i treat her after her stat101 class...w/c was still around 5pm. i sorta wanted to stick to the sked...hehehe....
but sadly...hehehe...i missed my stat1 class...lol. ewan ko. i did say that i should start attnding my classes...but...haay...hehehe...tntmad ako?
oh well, after mcdo, i wlkd ider to a convention she had to attend...she did a bit of documentation of the activity and alot of "that" on her history prof (duh...?)...ider is so obvious that she has a crush on her prof. but anyway, we just hanged out...

oh well...i hate to skip all the details of my bday...each sec was worth remembering and deserves space in my blog...but...hehehe....i have a class 30 mins and counting (not to mention that my head is starting to spin already).

i think ill just continue this...

it had been a long day...

losing my grip. [9:58 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/24/2004

.:. DELIQUENTE! .:.

DELIQUENTE!

hahaha...my my.

was absent in my math 1 calss and spcm class for no particular reason. tamad...hehehe. bad me.

spent the afternoon with my sis sa navs. had a great time even if we were just watching some freaky dark filipino movie while standing...
2moro, i promised a date with that particular person. hey...she asked for it. lol...

i didnt join the training nnmn..
ewan ko tntmd ako tlga...
oh well...it'll pass...i mean it HAS to pass.

btw...did i mention iv was given the job to promote joey's play? oh well...yes, tomorrow,you would see me wearing a small small white shirt that has "tilamsik ng dugo" on it...along with its play dates.

joey, the director and playwright (if that is how you spell it), has recommended it...hahaha. but do watch...thats from me, his lil bro. :))

oh cya...i need to get home na. still have to eat dinner and discuss particulars and debate on the issue whether or not would i prepare a dinner celebration for my bday

....NOT! hehehe...

till next post...

losing my grip. [8:38 PM]

(0) comments

.:. big day tomorow .:.

big day tomorrow...

or is it?

well, my head is already aching and its been awhile since ive been writting in my blog so...
oh well..

tomorrow is my birthday...and my my...
im turning 18. silly, but i sorta feel that 2moro is not something im looking forward to (as compared to my previous bdays)..
guess its just that plenty of things would be missing...
haay...now i cnt stop but entertain this heavy sensation midway my chest. im just so tired and...well...shit. i think im losing grip again. huhuhu..
missing alot of people and the way things were is pretty much depressing.

atleast the university has decided to give me the perfect gift...a week w/o exams. haay...

dear dear...i cnt really say what plans i have for tomorrow coz...i didnt make any. my dad was proposing to hold a simple party for the navs, but i turned it down coz i wasnt in the mood. i could go drinking with the fellow brods and my discipler (maybe bring my dad along)...but...its in the middle of the week and skuls practically in the way. i always act happy...but deep within im crushed by...just being me. haay..im already confusing myself with all this words. my eyes are heavy a bit all the way down and iv already given the control over my fingers and my thoughts to fatigue...
what?...rable ramble rable...

i think im done till here..
ill write tomorrow if something surprises me...

losing my grip. [10:25 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/18/2004

.:. CRAMPS! .:.

CRAMPS!!!

huhuhu...i was practically limping for the past 2 hours. oh well, got it in swimming class.

dang...i still cant find that website for the math1 exam tomorrow. argh...

hmmm...this is rather small. the post that is...hehehe.

on the run...

see yah!

btw...p.s. i sadly got 88/100 in stat midterms. sigh...top 4 actually in class but its nothing close to the grade i was hoping to impress a special someone. but come to think of it...is she still "that" special. oh well, to the clueless pipz out there...im currently trying to get over that someone for the past 2 months now...somehow...im getting somewhere. i think..?

losing my grip. [5:37 PM]

(1) comments

_____________

8/17/2004

.:. DADS HOME!! .:.

DAD's BACK!!!

wow...now that has been quite some time living w/o dad. hahaha...it was like only yesterday when i thought "will i survive?"
well...sure did! hehehe...

dad brought alot of stuff with him...esp durian and candy. yum yum. not to mention couple of taperwares loaded withmommy's cookinh...hmhmhmmm...
crab, shrimps...beef steak. yumyum.

had i good dinner.

oh well, it was nice catching up with dad. marami ako n kwnto sa knya.

btw, sigh...
i came to the internet cafe to download a page for my math 1 exam this thursday...stupidly, i forgot to take note of the website before leaving the house. darn...couldn't do anything else to make my internet consumption's(and money's) worth.hehehe..
yah, its been quite a while since iv been posting on blog. well...blame the last 3 exams i took since then. hehehe..
let me see, that was a stat1 midterm, bio101 long exam and spcm 1, w/c was just this afternoon....oh well, pretty much the "mediocre kinda performance" feeling i get in every "after-math-syndrome" of taking an exam. pardon, the use of such language...couldnt think of anything better to express the complexity of my brain (really...im just crazy and windang (haggard)!...HEY! i hvnt been sleeping right for the past 5 days.)hehehe.

oh well...here's where thrift kicks in. and pretty much my que to leave...hehehe.
see you guys.

yah...saw this somewhere a long time ago...
came across it again...posted for no reason...hmmm...just for keeping a copy actually.hehehe.

UR the apple of my eye,
mango of my pie,
palaman of my tinapay,
keso of my monay,
teeth of my suklay,
fingers on my kamay,
blood in my atay,
bubbles of my laway,
sala of my bahay,
seeds of my palay,
clothes in my ukay-ukay,
calcium in my kalansay,
calamansi on my siomai,
inay of my tatay,
knot on my tie,
toyo on my kuchay,
vitamins in my gulay,
stars of my sky,
hammer of my panday,
sizzle when I fry,
tungkod when I'm pilay,
feeling when I'm high,
shoulder when I cry,
wings when I fly,
prize when I vie,
cure to my "ARAY!,
answer to my "WHY?",
foundation of my tulay,
truth behind the lie,
the life after I die.

oh well....its just sezs life would have never been life w/o that...well...special someone. hehehe.

losing my grip. [9:09 PM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/13/2004

.:. Jerk! .:.

Jerk!

was i?

can't say much, but with the way i acted last night...
maybe this would be enough,
"to all the people i hurted last night, im sorry."

well, i was pretty much the jerk i could have been last night.
it all started with trying to get over an addition that never is healthy.
i thought by just ignoring the person would have me forgetting everything.
turns out, the syndromes of denial has gotten the best of me.
i turned into a monster constantly lashing out my tongue at anybody...
including her...

insensitive tactless jerk..thats me...
kinda makes me want to cringe right now...

losing my grip. [10:56 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/11/2004

.:. Insomia .:.

Insomia

actually its just lack of sleep. tuesday..approx 2 hours; today...another 2 hours. sheesh...driven by the requirements which i just cant fulfill during the day. ive been very delinquent lately. cramming, though not a new thing to me, has been quite...haay...rampant. not to mention that im already lagging in the submission of lab reports in my mcb101...i always get a minus 2 pts in my score. its sad...i mean our teacher is really nice, its not that im abusing her...i dont want to, but shes really nice in the sense that she'd give a perfect 10 to anyone who suibmits on time regardless of the content of the paper. heehhe...ok exag na un. but mabait si maam and i guess she just has such standards. oh well...im missing out on all the perfet points. something unlikely for me.

the reason why i havn't been sleeping lately is because...hehehe..
well, the other night, i spent the whole time watching 45 episodes of Naruto; last night, as a consequence of my actions, i crammed a full report in bio101 to be submitted today. hehehe. oh well, its done and im quite satisfied with my work.

tomorrow is joey's exam so malamang puyat nnmn. haay..
oh well...dat s elbi. skul suxs!

losing my grip. [8:04 AM]

(0) comments

_____________

8/10/2004

.:. my two peso debt. .:.

my two peso debt.

hahaha....you would never believe what happened earlier. was planning to have lunch with rand, when i came to the point of going ahead of him coz he was late and i had a class at 11:30 (the time was 11:15)...oh well, stupidly...i forgot i havnt a single bill in my wallet since last night (as a matter of fact i had rand lending me money for last night's dinner). not that im in the slums of having no money at all,i just didnt have the time to...hehehe...withdraw from good ol faithful ATM.

so, practically starving, i was choosing the best dishes that would have satisfied me tastebuds...when...coming upon the cashier...i had to realize the situation i was in.

man, was it embarrasing, a quick glance to the wallet and rather fast "put my wallet back in my pocket"...plus an eluding smile....and coming up with the most stupid excuse "sorry po...i left my wallet" (that was stupid, i did pull out my wallet)...had me crossing my fingers that rand would save the day. sadly, when the clocked ticked 11:30...he still hasnt showed up. man o man...i had my pockets turned inside out just to reveal that i had 26 pesos in coins. oh well, gathering up the last bit of my courage...(actually, thickening my face)...."um...ate...magkano nga un meal ko...26 dba?", handing over my 26 pesos in change, "ah..ndi 28..." "ei....sorry po...ksi..." "ndi...ok lng"...

AH MAN....i looked so pathetic. oh well...

oh well...im late for my bio140 class...

got to run...

ps...i have a new addiction. hehehe...naruto. hehehe.

losing my grip. [2:08 PM]

(1) comments

_____________

8/08/2004

.:. Losing Grip II .:.

Losing Grip

missing my friends. interestingly or rather coincidentally, the second part of losing grip does talk about missing friends as mentioned in most of the comments i recieved in my last post and about how accursed change could be.

yes, i know i do have friends in elbi, plenty actually. as a matter of fact if acquiring friends were a hobby i would already have been one of the best known collectors, of course in a rather natural way; sadly, losing them is just as easy, w/c ironically is natural as well. sigh....reality bites doesnt it? almost like a chill you'll feel on a cold rainy evening, peircing your skin all the way to the bone...where all you can do is to just curl into a tight ball, brace yourself, cry maybe, and render yourself useless. i know its bad to generalize...i do have good friends, lil bros and best bargs as of the moment but i had quite a number as well.

i already mentioned how much change has made me miss home. oh well, i miss my friends back home just as much. each person is unique, pretty much the same way how different friends treat you differently. so it sucks. it sucks when you wake up knowing that you won't be experiencing a certain kind of friendship for that day and then realizing that it hasn't just been a day (today) but already several months now. thats missing friends- missing those that hang-out the way you guys usually would, those that would listen when you feel like you need to be heard even if you knew that they were already itching to punch you in the face for being so pathetic, those that would give pathetic advises as well even if you already feel better coz they just listened, those that you love pissing off knowing that lambing mo lng yun, those that would piss you off for the same reason...and the list would go on forever.

and when you realized that you are already missing your friends away from you, you begin a search for people could possible replace them. oh it was never intentionally, its more of a sub-conscious behavior that whispers at my ear everytime i meet a total stranger often ending up revealing alot of my personal life till later it has already inculcated itself in me and has become quite a habit. but i do discover good friends, people who have become, as what cafe mocha jade says, my breathing air.

sadly, we all know that friendships can fade. when two people stop interacting with each other, they begin to realize that their world (w/c is constantly growing) has drawn further apart until later they barely make up a significant part of each others lives. practiacally, it saddens me to be away knowing that each day that passes is a bit of closeness lost to not being with a certain friend. it saddens me that right now as of the moment, i may have neglected and already lost a friend.

and it just doesnt end there. i mean distance is not the only root evil of lost friends but several circumstances as well. i do miss friends here in elbi. past clasmates, past super sked-mates, past blocmates, past those who you'd hang out with 24-7 (almost) have all been absorbed with their own lives occasionally neglecting the friendship plainly because we cease to exist as classmates. some, i have encountered, are those that are still my classmates but have evolve due to new-found affiliations creating a rather superior - inferior relationship bet me, a non-affiliated member, and them.

today, i experience a sem different from all the other sems. with a sked w/c hasnt found it's match, with classes w/o non-bloc classmates, with major courses different from your co-majors, with new-found friends and a newly-created fear for the posibility of losing them in the future as well, this sem has left me standing alone....losing grip.

losing my grip. [8:50 PM]

(2) comments

_____________

8/06/2004

.:. Losing Grip .:.

Losing Grip

Its cold as i struggle to hold my world in it's place. I feel no warmth in the vast space of solitude, i scream in despair. My eyes bleed red as i strain against the itching death that slowly consumes my senses. my fingers are now numb....my world is drifting apart.

Change sucks big time. As much as i know that one can never do away with the constant process of change, do i rentlessly scream "STOP!!!...just freeze....or even slow down for crying out loud" and as absurd as i know you think it is, it is just as plain stupid and impossible. so why stop change?

i miss Home. Its hard studying in a university away from home. Not only do i just miss the comfort and luxury of home sweet home but one will always miss the family that has always made it home in the first place. I miss my bro badly, its really sad knowing that he is already at his teenage years and im not there to be his big bro. i could imagined the thrill we'd both share if we could just lay back talking about everything : acads esp pisay, his new found love interest, and plenty of guy bro to bro stuff. haay, i would have envied him; i guess it would have been really cool if i had a big bro as well. last night i was looking thru some pics of me and my bro back when i was in third yr high skul and i guess he was about grade 4, we looked so young and i couldnt help but reminisce the past when we couldn't care less about life and the reality of it execpt for the play, bet one older bro with his small-kid bro, we could make in a day. haay...life was so simple then. today, being away from my bro has made me realize the shortness of living a certain moment to its fullest; this moment when the 5 yr age gap between me and my bro has diminished and we somehow share the same interests as teenagers and as young men venturing into LIFE. I miss my parents. college life has always been about being independent, doing what WE want, no more adults to tell what we shouldnt and what we ought. but we always tend to overlook what life is w/o them. hahaha...it has been about 3 weeks since dad has left me here in elbi. though i find things ok coz of the undefined budget dad has left me with, things have become quite inconvenient especially wen concerning coming home really tired and having to cook myself a meal. hahaha...huhuhuhu. oh well, not that i see my dad as my cook or what but i do miss him being around caring for me... Mom, i miss more. oh well, we all know moms love best. miss you mommy....esp your cooking.hehehe.

cya, nagutom tulyo ako. plus naiilang din ako ksi rand is staring.

joke!!!!

continue this 2moro maybe...

ciao

losing my grip. [11:30 AM]

(6) comments

_____________

8/05/2004

.:. Bummer .:.

Bummer

my my my...its the fifth of august and i havnt written a post yet. tsk tsk.. oh well, atleast there was an attempt last tuesday, w/c i believed i did a good rid ram, when the computer had to crash on me. oh bummer ...

i alreaady got my final results in my vmcb 124 and bio 101 exams. quite ok...knowing that im going at mediocre performance. hehehe...

oh well....90.5 in my vmcb 124 and 92 in my bio101. good results i guess. hehehe...(like duh jasper!)

last night i was so bummed about everything (not writting in my blog, pathetically love sick, tired, trying to get over someone who i can't...etc etc.) and it was raining. haay...so i decided to walk in the rain...drenched with water and soaked in all the sorry excuses and silly thoughts (making me even more sad) i constantly created in that sad-desposition while trying very much to wash all the emotions away,I was killing myself but it felt good...
anyways when walking past the spooky an-sci lost in my thoughts of despair...i heard a voice. hahaha...no, it wasnt a "boo" nor any heavenly entity nor my inner self yelling at my stupidity...but rather joey's rage heard all the way from agronomy.

funny...but after staring in his direction (towards the agronomy building, w/c was a kilometer away)...i felt better. hey, im not the only person he feels like shit after all. hahaha...

oh well...getting home, i took a good bath...making sure i used my "sensual" shampoo, and jumped right into bed. ahh...10 hours of sleep.

i think i feel good today.

oh well...have to go nah.

losing my grip. [10:17 AM]

(3) comments

_____________