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Cant get this song out of my HEAD

Its yet to be determined, but the air is thick, and my hope is feeling worn, im glad youre not a part of this, coz theres parts of me that will be miss...

And the phone is always dead to me, and i cant tell you the temperature is dropping and it feels like...

Its colder than it ought to be in March [April], and i still got a day [month] or two ahead of me till ill be heading home, into your arms again...

And the people here are asking after you. It doesnt make it easier. It doesnt make it easier to be away (to be away)....

id like to hire a plane. I'd see you in the morning, when the day is fresh, im coming home again, coming home again, coming home again. When the day is fresh im coming home again.

Its warmer where youre waiting. It feels more like July. Theres pillows in their cases, and one of those is mine. And you [I] wrote the words I LOVE YOU and sprayed it with perfume. Its better than the fire is to heat this lonely room. Its warmer where youre waiting...it feels more like July, it feel more like July..

Its yet to be determined, but the air is thick, and my hope is feeling worn, im glad youre not a part of this, coz theres parts of me that will be miss...

And the phone is always dead to me, and i cant tell you the temperature is dropping and it feels like...
Its colder than it ought to be in March [April], and i still got a day [month] or two ahead of me till ill be heading home, into your arms again...

And the people here are asking after you. It doesnt make it easier. It doesnt make it easier to be away (to be away)....

id like to hire a plane. I'd see you in the morning, when the day is fresh, im coming home again, coming home again, coming home again. When the day is fresh im coming home again.

-dashboard confessionals

losing my grip. [9:17 AM]

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4/13/2005

.:. .:.

NAVS astig! @NAC/.....these are the people i miss...hahaay.... 

losing my grip. [4:40 PM]

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4/12/2005

.:. waah... .:.

waah...

grabeh...8 hours na ako nkharap sa computer..
supersakit na ulo ko.

oh well, didnt do much xcept for making potato dextrose agar. that only took an hour or so, so the rest of the day i just kept myself entertained in front of the computer. and i found a really neat skin, not that i sing or anything but hell would i want to dance to the beat and rhythm of my life..so why not make music, eh?

oh well, it isnt totally personalized yet...i have much to fix especially the starting poem, sooner or later i can strip that out coz...well...i know im happy.

in the afternoon, quite a number of people went online. missed people at that, and i had a good time chatting with them..
my supervisor, whos name i finally comprehended to be "Zeke", however, did call my attention when he demonstrated how to isolate a fungal isolate from a plant. Well, Zeke showed me how to isolate phytophorans from a hot pepper plant, nevertheless he did say that the protocol is similiar if id isolate Fusarium oxysporum (the fungi il be working on) from tomato plants. It was funny coz i brought up an issue i read about whether or not it is recommendable or advisable to disinfect the surface of the cortical/vascular tissues before isolation. well, he said "yeah"...they usually use clorex..what?..Chlorex...we even spelled it out.. CHLOREX..
eventually since i really couldnt identify what disinfectant he was talking about, i just nod in acknowledgement..
malay mo, ndi ko tlga alam..
well, not till he pulled out this big bottle of CHLOROX...lol!!!!
hehehehe..

oh well, thats all for the day.
someone came in the computer room and is competiting with the air i claimed to be mine. ang kapal nmn n mukha ksi bigla cya ngplay ng loud music...jologs pa. eh knna pa ako d2 ah..
respeto nmn...haay kng di lng cya tga Laos,hihirit sna ako..
lol..
oh well..as i said respeto nlng...

aalis nlng ako...

losing my grip. [5:45 PM]

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.:. .:.

in one of the rooms...kay kuya jed yata ito...the punk guy with the wierd look in his face...yeah thats him. i extremly have a good time bonding with the filipinos here at AVRDC. They stick up for each other and often hangout - mostly relating the day's work and experiences involving intercultural difficulties. OH we just love to do accents... 

losing my grip. [10:35 AM]

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.:. .:.

fellow trainees from UPLB here at AVRDC (aka, accrding to us, Audio Visual Room of Dev Com)..hehehehe...from top left to buttom right: kaye, abel, aiza, mia, ME, and ian 

losing my grip. [10:26 AM]

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4/11/2005

.:. letting go... .:.

a thought to ponder on....
especially for several people i know...you know who you guys are.

To let go doesnt mean to stop caring,
it means that I cant do it for someone else

To let go is not to cut myself off,
its the realization that I dont control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to tale each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more……

taken without permission from a blogspot of a goodfriend.

losing my grip. [6:49 PM]

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.:. love to be a kid again .:.

love to be a kid again

chatting with a 14 year old kid..dan, kbbta to ni john. not that its something silly, i mean, he's my brothers age..and we're having those kuya-manghud kinda talks..inspiring in way that you'd realized that life is really simple, and age, the older it gets is, just currupting it by making it so complex. when you get old you realize that there so much more to it..and yet you act childish prin ksi you fail to see the bigger picture.

i wanna be that kid again, you know, when crushes are major problems and reasons for acting so depressed is simply coz, well, ur crush isnt living up to ur standards or that ur crush doesnt like you back.lol, when problems arnt as big as considering relationships, other poeple's feelings, work, family...etc etc. Its funny coz alam ko din, n there are more deeper shit in life than..and im lucky enough not to go through all that, not to mention that there are also other bigger problems ill be facing when i get older...

hahaay...i wanna be that kid again.

well,we've been chatting for 3-4 hours now, and im late for dinner..

at work, ran PCR. didnt get good results tho...

gb, may friends just PM me..

see yeah.

losing my grip. [6:10 PM]

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4/10/2005

.:. broken .:.

broken - seather and amy lee

im in no mood to relate my day. it was suppose to be about how we road a train to church, that the church was catholic and how much religiosity has corrupted the way christians, in generally, think about each other, the sense of hapiness i felt when in the train i heard a chinese man sing "amaing grace" in chinese out loud. i was inspired by his faith and how hungry he was for GOd's love and word.

sadly, everything went down the drain...

haay...i never realized i wuld chat with alot of people sa YM. and each had different issues to deal with. missed friends, misunderstood ones and my ex. me and my ex said alot of things, remorse and well, im hurting. i never realized that i have been avoiding all signs of remorse and feelings of lost. haay...these are just stirred up feelings because of our miscommunication. we need to let go...we are...we will be, eventually. we have to...

ako nlng isa d2 sa pc rooms...its getting too lonely...

losing my grip. [10:32 PM]

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4/09/2005

.:. another of those untitled ones .:.

another of those untitled ones

nothing much happened today. aside from waking up late coz we stayed at kuya manny's room the other night, we went straight to the market without taking a bath or breakfast. after the market, we had lunch - my tinola tas we did our laundry. Grabeh, ang arte ng washing machines nila d2. and sosyal kmi! we had a dryer. prob was it takes hours. well, the washing process....soaking, prewashing, washing and rinsing - all done by the maching would, well, takes alot of time...i could imagine how much water and electricity it consumes by having everything done automatically. cguro one batch would take 45 minutes, tas an hour for the dryer to have our clothes really dry. so basically, all we did was wait...watch tv at kumain kmi ng kumain. lol, sna when i get back...buffed na ako.

so eto, 9.30pm, we decided to finally take a shower..most of our clothes are done, except for the last batch of clothes we left spinning in the dryer...and end up doing everything we have to do sa net.lol.

oh btw, got to watch mr deeds...had a good laugh, though i did get a bit..well..."emotional" at some mushy parts. haay..

i try...."i try" macy grey

losing my grip. [10:29 PM]

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4/08/2005

.:. Work work Work... .:.

Work work Work...

wow! ang sarap tlga mg trabaho! my computer is fixed and i havnt been doing anything the whole afternoon that isnt internet related.lol.

oh well, as you can seen i hvnt written a post for two days na...coz sobrng bz ako.
The other day, one of the research assistants briefed me with the research protocols and methodologies that i will be using, namely fungi DNA extraction. Well, we also ran out of alot of buffers and reagents needed for the small experiment so, i found myself, running all over the lab, weighing, staring at graduated cyclinders and eventually washing every dang glassware i used. Nkkpagod in fairness (to whom?)...in fairness to the supposed simplicity of the task. By the end of the day, i was able to run my DNA extract through electrophoresis, determine the DNA concentration and adjust each sample to [20ug/uL].

yesterday, i planted 3 varieties of tomatoes for my research (w/c is btw: Race determination and IGS haplotype analysis of Fusarium Wilt Pathogens in Taiwan)...well, for each variety, there were 7 trays, each tray had 240 seeds that needed to be planted at equal distances to each other (12 columns X 20 rows). so mind you 240 seeds by hand in each tray. Buti nlng, there were 3 other workers or rather greenhouse assistants who helped me put peat moss into each tray, make small furrows, and plant as well. it was tiring, mind you.
By the time we finished, it was lunch time.

In the afternoon, i was free. but i decide to sleep instead of wasting myself in the computer room. lol.

Today, i was finally able to work on the 30 isolates of fusarium oxysporum f.sp. lycopersici (the causative agent of fusarium wilt in tomatoes of course). Sympre, lahat ng isolates came from stored spores in silica gel. So, firstly, first thing in the morning, i prepared the Potato Dextrose Agar (PDA), the media in w/c i shall propogate the isolates to work on. I think i made about 3L and prepared 30 plates for the fungal propagation. THe propagation, itself was easier than expected, just pour in the silica gel particles, maybe around 20 crystals or so, onto the PDA plates. By lunch, tapos na ako.

And i havnt been doing anything else except pretend that im researching in my room. lol.

haay..4pm na.

i posted a poll on the NAVS yGroup...\lol...first time ko mggnyn..
sna mdmi ssgot dun.

thats all for now.

losing my grip. [1:06 PM]

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4/05/2005

.:. clear and bright day .:.

clear and bright day

that is the holiday celebrated by the chinese/taiwanese today. first two days into work and we already get a holiday.lol.

but anyways, since the canteen was closed for the day, the group decided to take on the invitation that one of the resident staff offered since the day we arrive- that we can abuse her kitchen.lol.

well, mia and i are the only ones who really know how to cook among the six. So we did. for breakfast, i offered my very own dish..."corn beef ala cheese"..hehehehe. but i think i put to much cheese but, anyhow, the boys did enjoyed.

after breakfast, kuya jed, one of the filipino interns, toured us downtown where we were able to go to the public market and govt supermarket (it was 15 minutes by bike, you could imagine that all 7 of us were biking along the highway...good thing they what exists as a "bicycle lane") Goodness, you should have seen the local produce...ang LAKI LAKI! promise and considering the prices. large "RADISH", large and long "TALONG".

haay...it sucks that all we could do was compare taiwan and the Phil...sna atleast something could have been said which comparison made philippine better, sadly from everything we saw: personality of the people to cleanliness to the agricultural produce - taiwan is way better. :(

at the supermarket, every commercial item: detergents, shampoos, what ever, where bought by bulk. And not only are they bought by bulk but they were HUGE too...
like the shampoos for example, you wont find those miniture or the average size ones that filipinos buy back home but rather XXLARGE. i bet filipinos are the only ones that invented SATCHETS.

well, we bought things by bulk so the group decided to buy as a group. first thing on the list, tissue paper,,than coffee, than LAYS (w/c just cost around 25 pesos, the medium large ones..cheap noh>?) than HERSHEYS (w/c four bars just cost 60 pesos)...lol...later when we decided to eat one of them bars, we discovered it was actually an imitation...lol...KERSHEYS.

so for lunch
we had tilapia and sinigan. and to think, i recieved complements for my cooking. lol..
oh dear...its six pm.

i just dropped by the computer room to print my research outline for edition.
my friends are nagging me to start cooking..

hahaay...jasper, the ACRDC trainee and COOK.lol..

losing my grip. [5:24 PM]

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4/04/2005

.:. work and luxury...i cant tell the difference. .:.

work and luxury...i cant tell the difference.

lol...i swear. atlast, finally...lumabas na ako sa bansa. haay, not that i was looking forward to leave the country, its just that recently, phillippines was experiencing spells of extreme heat! it was just 4 days ago when temperatures went up to 37 degrees celcius. grabeh.

oh well,, i never expected the Asian Vegetable Research and Development Center (AVRDC) campus to be what it is. its a small campus really, the main buildings - the admin, the dormitory, and the laboratories- are all centered around a rotonda, the green houses and the experimental fields just around the perimeter while the staff housing occupied most of the campus - maybe around 20 or so houses. But considering the facilities, recreational facilities that is...theres a pool at the far end of the campus, 2 tennis courts, a basketball court, a volleyball court,and game room - 4 Table tennis tables, 2 pool tables and a table soccer set. The dormitories has a big TV room with really cozy coaches. Our rooms - our very own rooms with individual CRs, our own internet line (sadly, i didnt bring a laptop), and airconditioned - had me sleeping soundly on the first night especailly after the long nice hot shower. It was the first time i left the CR open, dried only inside the CR and walked around naked in my room...of course i doubled check the doors to make sure they lock tight...eventually noticing, after i changed, that i forgot to pull down the curtains. lol. The canteen, found in between the two wings of the dormitory, is so generous. Haay, for once in my life did i meet people who are so service oriented instead of typical filipinos who are undenyingly profit-oriented. Servings of rice depended on how much you nod your head or shook it. Of course with occasional baroque and hard "ok, ok..."..oh did i mention it? the place is in taiwan. specifically Shan Hua, Tainan- alittle bit north of Kaoshiung, w/c is an hour and 25minutes away from manila by air....the consessionares were chinese, or taiwanese as most of them believe they are. Much to my previous dislike of chineses food especially ones served in chow king, has my taste change lest of course the cook is really chinese or, as according to rumors, has a tastebud for MSGs.

The administration building which houses the game room, the training center, the bank, post office, operator and, my favorite place to hang out as of the moment, the computer room is open 24-7. ALl you have to do is leave the dormitory, walk down the rotonda, bracing yourself coz its really cold at night, push the door, climb to the 3rd floor and wla...unlimted access to friendster, chat...etc...surfing galore.

Anyways, the laboratories and green house facilities were commendable, well, as much as i expect them to be considering this is an international research organization. Today was our first day. Office hours is unusual here at AVRDC. in the morning, office starts at 7.45am and closes for lunch at 11.45am. After a one hour lunch break, office resumes at 12.45pm and goes on for another 4 hours. Well, we - me and other fellow trainees, all from UPLB, namely mia, abriel, izza, katrina and ian - had our orientation first thing in the morning. Then we had our phitos taken form another service oriented photographer, had bikes assigned to us, biking btw is the main form of transportation especially within the campus and going downtown, and lastly was introduced to our respectively adivsers.

My adviser is Dr. Tien Chen Wang, the head of the mycology unit in AVRDC. He seems to be in his mid 40s and is extremely straight forward. His hard english brought about by his heavy chinese is extremly hard to comprehend. And i had to, well hesitating at first until i couldnt uderstand time and again, ask him to repeat everything he said. silly filipino. But he was nice. So he showed me around the office, the greenhouse which was 5 minutes walk from the laboratory, after which he showed me an empty room - mind you, an office room - complete with a big table, a computer and a big comfty office chair, like those executive ones - "you can stay here". Wow, well he handed me a simple research outline along with my skedule for the next 2 months and 6 reference journals to read. SO thats whst i did for 6 hours...trust me it was tiring. well, it was a good thing i made a research outline for my adviser at UPLB and was able to come across most of the journals Dr. Wang assigned for me to read. Sadly, the monitor power cord was missing...so i wasnt able to have the computer keep me company especially when i was trying not to fall asleep. Finally, when i was done with the journals, i asked my boss to excuse me or rather i found the perfect excuse to leave - "Dr Wang , would it be ok if i went to the computer room to read more references"...duh, read more ref my ass. hehehe.

Ah un...first thing i did in the computer room was to download chikka, enhance the YM and sent text messages to special people, coaxing them to come online to chat. One of those specially special people did...hehehe. love ko un.

dinner at the canteen is served at 5.30pm since they close at 6.30. And as i said there generosity had my stomach filled ultimately.lol. after dinner, my fellow trainees went biking around the campus and at around 7.30pm we parked at the front of the admin building. And abuse the use of the game room. We had a kick out of the table soccer - well since there are 4 lanes of players to control per team what we did is that we fought two vs two.

After playing to we just got bored with too much fun, we decided to go upstairs to the computer room. lol, its 11pm now. And im tired...i think ill ask my friends to go to sleep na.

zzzz...

bye guys...

i love you....so much.

losing my grip. [8:40 PM]

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